HER21 Fighting for the King 120x160cm option 2

I had an interesting experience.

I was driving on the highway, when I saw something on the road. I hit it before I could avoid it. The result was a busted tire, late arrival for an appointment and 2 new tires that had to be mounted.

I was thinking what the story about obstacles is and how to avoid them and then I realized, avoiding obstacles is our natural reflex.

An obstacle is an annoyance, time-consuming and can be costly, but at the same time any obstacle instantly changes your life. It can be something difficult, something new, something unfamiliar, something scary,…

There’s a life before and after an obstacle. Avoiding an obstacle doesn’t change a thing. Life goes on as it was.

Confronting an obstacle is an instant change. Like no flat tire / flat tire.

Confronting an obstacle is an investment in change. It may cost time and money and energy, but what does that matter when the outcome is better. What is time and money on a cosmic level?

Again like the tires. They’re now brand new, with a deep profile, ready for some serious and save driving in wind and rain. That gives a good and secure feeling.

Of course not all obstacles are worth confronting, be wise in picking the good ones. The ones that have an impact that counts.

You know which ones.

Rubber Borders

REF23  Talking heads160x180cmEvery human is born and raised.

Born with a set of genes and some hereditary characteristics and raised within the values and norms of parents, family and friends, but with parents having the biggest impact.

These first, say 10 years of a life create some kind of a border. Most of the time those are not conscious borders, they’re part of identity. The things that happen within the border are OK and accepted and things that happen outside these borders are not.

Question is, are things that happen outside these borders wrong?

No, they are different. Unfamiliar sometimes, but definitely not wrong. Everyone is raised differently. Anyone has his own borders, everyone believes their borders are the borders. And then there are people who are aware of these borders and those who are not. For those who are not, it is good to be aware of your own borders and the ones of others.

There’s three ways to handle borders:

  1. Accept them, it is a part of who people are
  2. Change your own borders
  3. Walk away.

In any case, make your borders rubbery and elastic.
Be flexible.
For yourself and for others.

When you’re aware the world is a puppet show, you can become a puppeteer

But this awareness comes with a great responsibility. Schermafbeelding 2013-07-18 om 15.20.31

Everyone is constantly creating his own reality.

The fact is, it’s the only way we can perceive the world. So based on our past experiences (good or bad) we define for ourselves what is real, or what we want to be real.

This self-defined reality also creates a shield, because when something ‘unwanted’ outside this self-defined reality interferes, we have the tendency to ‘create’ it away.

In other words, we re-define this new outside ‘thing’, based on the reality we know, want and prefer. Every one of us. And that is why we defend our believes and the things we think. It is hard to accept ‘new’ things when it doesn’t fit our personal, trusted reality. It makes us rigid and afraid of change.

In that sense, we are puppets of our past experiences.

We act as a result of these experiences. The good ones and the bad ones. And the older we get, the more rigid we become.

Rigid as a result of prejudices, of conventions, of expectations, of patterns, of suffering, of happiness, of joy, of frustration. Knowing this, changes everything. The way we create our own reality but especially the reality for other people….

For example, if some one is using your creative idea to make himself look better, what would you do?

Normally I would say something about it to that person, but now I realize, this person needs my idea to create a better reality for himself. That is fantastic*! I am proud of the fact I can be part of the creation of his reality.

In a way, all my reactions create a new reality for others. When I’m laughing hard, when I give a compliment, when I am upset or angry or when I am happy.

My reactions are part of the creation of the reality of others and that’s a big responsibility.

For a period of time I’ve been looking at myself and try to figure out why I react the way I do and why I did it and was more and more focusing on how I could change that.

And as with everything, the realization of things is only the beginning, practice turns it into a brain pattern and into a habit. So here are a few pointers:

  1. Ask more questions, because people like to talk about themselves and find that the best conversation. Not you talking to them.
  2. Listen.
  3. Putting yourself in the mind of the other person (empathy) and try to understand his or her reality (asking questions helps a lot)
  4. Thinking about the possible outcomes or consequences, before acting or re-acting (the more you practice, the faster you see different outcomes, the easier it is to make inspirational choices).
  5. Contemplate about what you’ve experienced.
  6. Move your focus from short term to long term.
  7. Inspire people (yes, that is about story telling). Don’t tell what to do. Create a context in which people can make the (right) decision by themselves.

And remember, the easiest way to feel better when you’re down, is to do something good for some one else. Just try it 😉


*It is interesting to see what the literal meaning of some words is:

Realize (what you make real)

Fantastic (that what you fantasize from Old French fantastique, via medieval Latin from Greek phantastikos, from phantazein ‘make visible’, phantazesthai ‘have visions, imagine’

Inspire from Old French inspirer, from Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into’ from in- ‘into’ + spirare ‘breathe’. The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone’.

Babylon III

– Balibon

The difference between a cacophony and the most beautiful poem in the world, is the order in which the words are put. Think about that. All the words are already there, we just need to learn to put them in the right order.

My head is full of words. Good words, bad words, funny words, sad words and any word you can imagine. I like to collect words as thoughts and thoughts as words. The more words I have available, the better stories I can tell, I just need to put them in the right order. That’s my lesson, that’s how all great stories are written.

I have a credo: Live your life in a way you’re able to tell good stories at parties. There’s 3 things in there.

  1. Experience stories; don’t be afraid to do something new or unexpected, open your eyes;
  2. Become an entertaining and skilled storyteller. Practice a lot;
  3. Get invited to parties, so be nice to people.

What’s your story?

Babylon II

– Biblion

I have a small philosophy.
I try to read my thoughts as a book:

Chapter by Chapter, One by One.

Imagine reading it, jumping forth and back. Or quickly read the last page. That’s a choice, but you won’t get the story. I believe the story is more important then the plot.

It’s ok to read more then one book at the time, I even find that comforting. Depending on how I feel or what I want I get the book of the shelf, but I’ve structured it. I let go of the ‘must read’ and ‘now’, I read it whenever I feel like it.

Gathering my thoughts like that, is relaxed. I categorize them, like Wikipedia in my head, adding new information or experience when I found it and not afraid deleting stuff.

Keeps it fresh and airy,
I like that.