Everyone is constantly creating his own reality.
The fact is, it’s the only way we can perceive the world. So based on our past experiences (good or bad) we define for ourselves what is real, or what we want to be real.
This self-defined reality also creates a shield, because when something ‘unwanted’ outside this self-defined reality interferes, we have the tendency to ‘create’ it away.
In other words, we re-define this new outside ‘thing’, based on the reality we know, want and prefer. Every one of us. And that is why we defend our believes and the things we think. It is hard to accept ‘new’ things when it doesn’t fit our personal, trusted reality. It makes us rigid and afraid of change.
In that sense, we are puppets of our past experiences.
We act as a result of these experiences. The good ones and the bad ones. And the older we get, the more rigid we become.
Rigid as a result of prejudices, of conventions, of expectations, of patterns, of suffering, of happiness, of joy, of frustration. Knowing this, changes everything. The way we create our own reality but especially the reality for other people….
For example, if some one is using your creative idea to make himself look better, what would you do?
Normally I would say something about it to that person, but now I realize, this person needs my idea to create a better reality for himself. That is fantastic*! I am proud of the fact I can be part of the creation of his reality.
In a way, all my reactions create a new reality for others. When I’m laughing hard, when I give a compliment, when I am upset or angry or when I am happy.
My reactions are part of the creation of the reality of others and that’s a big responsibility.
For a period of time I’ve been looking at myself and try to figure out why I react the way I do and why I did it and was more and more focusing on how I could change that.
And as with everything, the realization of things is only the beginning, practice turns it into a brain pattern and into a habit. So here are a few pointers:
- Ask more questions, because people like to talk about themselves and find that the best conversation. Not you talking to them.
- Putting yourself in the mind of the other person (empathy) and try to understand his or her reality (asking questions helps a lot)
- Thinking about the possible outcomes or consequences, before acting or re-acting (the more you practice, the faster you see different outcomes, the easier it is to make inspirational choices).
- Contemplate about what you’ve experienced.
- Move your focus from short term to long term.
- Inspire people (yes, that is about story telling). Don’t tell what to do. Create a context in which people can make the (right) decision by themselves.
And remember, the easiest way to feel better when you’re down, is to do something good for some one else. Just try it 😉
*It is interesting to see what the literal meaning of some words is:
Realize (what you make real)
Fantastic (that what you fantasize from Old French fantastique, via medieval Latin from Greek phantastikos, from phantazein ‘make visible’, phantazesthai ‘have visions, imagine’
Inspire from Old French inspirer, from Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into’ from in- ‘into’ + spirare ‘breathe’. The word was originally used of a divine or supernatural being, in the sense ‘impart a truth or idea to someone’.